Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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