rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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