K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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