Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
