we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
