...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize