LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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