Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
