he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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