hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
