dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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