What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
