so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
