I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
