I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
