Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
