note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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