I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
