"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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