I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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