she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
