She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I can't turn off my feet"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
