I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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