Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
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You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
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Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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