he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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