we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
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Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
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he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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