i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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