Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
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all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
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I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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