babies were throwing up all over the place
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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