Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
