It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
