good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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