You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
