He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
