i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
