I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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