if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
Hypothermia
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize