I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
