i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
