my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
worst night to have a conscience
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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