Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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