Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
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They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
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Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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