He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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