Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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