We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
