Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
