I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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