i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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