That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
