Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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