Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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