I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
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I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
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I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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