Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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