I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
