i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Success! We fucked roommates!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
