ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
