I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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