It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I understand Curling. That high.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My vagina is officially offended.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
