would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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