a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
