My nipple is on Facebook.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
