Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
