Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
