I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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