Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
