I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
