got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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