That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
