Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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