accomplished twins. life is a go
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
NoShamevember. You game?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
