awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
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If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
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In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize