Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
