Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
whose parrot is this?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
