Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
